Just thinking about my whole situation...

Hello to all,

thanks to all of you that were so kind to me from the first start.
I was so happy to find a forum like this because only someone that is in my shoes can understand how I feel. I am 32 and I have diabetes type II and it took very long to accept it. The worse thing is that I was diagnosed for it in March 2013 but in April 2012 I made a blood test just for fun and I was pre diabetic but I was too absorbed by my issues in that period and forgetting about what was going to happen. I actually found out that I have removed that fact from my mind completely and only recently when I was checking something in my files, I read my diary and it wasn't easy to accept it but in that moment I perfectly recalled that. Five years ago I made thousands of decisions that were totally wrong altogether. I made tons of them even if I hand't done many of them before that. In that period I have done them for a lifetime and I am still paying the price for that. I know that the stress I had been through in that period, has contributed hugely for this disease to develop and also to make my thyroid to infiammate although no clinical reason was found for that.
The same year, in 2013 I have received the letter form the hospital confirming the diagnose as usually happens during a visit and they made a mistake typing and it was written that I had diabetes type I. I couldn't realize how this was possible as my insulin was high but I know that it was possible to develop it in the 30-ies so I began to cry and I was completely devastated like the whole world was just punishing me over and over for my mistakes. Finally I found out, days after, that it was a mistake and I had the type II. Well, in that moment I was grateful to have this one but since the 2013 was a horrible year for me (four deaths in my family) it wasn't very easy for my body to keep in balance for sure.
I am married and my husband has several health issues (back, knee problems) but he is thin and having no issues by eating anything so he was never able to understand me or to even try to since there are so many ordinary stuff to be worried about constantly.
I have started a LCHF diet twice before and I was successful but mentally I was just cheating myself thinking that I need to resist till the next blood control and when the tests were ok I just started the old diet again. After this I started to have little issues with worsening my view and I started to be worried and looked myself in the mirror asking myself: "Do you wanna live? Or do you wanna die?
I knew that although all the pain that I had been through till that moment, that I wanted to live so I took a few weeks for myself to accept the fact that making a radical change in my life will not be just for few months but would need to be for life. It wasn't easy since having IBS and not being able to digest veggies, so much fat etc.... the hard moments are just there and also the ones of tiredness when you just prepare dinner for your husband that is full of unhealthy foods cause he doesn't want any other food and trying to be strong all the time by not letting yourself just to be weak because you feel alone sometimes.
I didn't tell anyone that I am doing this diet although my mum has noticed some difference. I just don't want others to have expectations towards me cause this raise my anxiety too much. I don't want to explain others what I am doing anymore so I will keep my mouth shut till the very first end. This makes me feel calmer but also alone.

Sometimes I just want to eat something that doesn't need to be prepared or cooked by me but I know that I don't have other choice than continuing this path. Sometimes, when I feel low I see this whole phase of rearranging my life (new ingredients to used to, new recipes, lot of search etc...) that just makes me feel exhausted and there is a lack of enjoyment in all that and I know this is bad.

I am kind of person that keeps everything locked inside so now I am making an exception cause I really do feel the need that someone understands me, finally, so sorry for this long mail.

Thank you for everyone that will step by

You have experience what most people experience when first diagnosed. Shock, denial, depression etc. Some people suffer more than others but the point is, it's normal.
Now that you've been able to open up about it is a good sign, it's a forward step. LCHF is not easy when your mindset treats it as denial. You are thinking of all the things you cannot have any more rather than focussing on the things you can. There is a period of adjustment and trial & error. I am unsure whether you are able to self check BG levels but that is the best course of action. Test regular with new foods and make a note of things that your body tolerates well and what it doesn't. This may not be the reply to your post that you wanted but it's a start. It needs work I'm afraid. However, you will start to feel better and your BG levels will improve.
Good luck, Mo :-)

Thanks for the reply. As I wrote in my signature space, my BG is perfectly normal since the 2nd week of my diet. So I didn't write the above because I am worried for my BG - not anymore till I am on this diet. It was just a thinking about the path that brought me at this point with regrets an the awareness of everything that I can do for my health. I do measure it everyday and it's stable around 72 mg/dl and this is what keeps me positive to do what I have been doing for more than a month now.
Of course it's hard in some moments specially if there are many things and issues that you need to deal with every day.

I am lucky that I do not crave most of the things I ate before. It's still a little temptation when I have it in front of my face but in that moment I just ask myself again: "Do you wanna live? Or die?" so till the moment I will have the right answer, I guess I will manage it.

It was a way to share my path with you and don't worry. Have no preferences about the way to reply

I spent FIFTY years with minor but chronic and annoying symptoms while being fobbed off by doctors, until I was finally diagnosed with "just a touch of prediabetes".

It didn't take long for most of these symptoms to go away so keep an eye on your body and see if the same thing doesn't also happen to you!

Have you ever tried giving up wheat and gluten entirely? It's *possible* this may improve your IBS. Hard to do though as they put the damn stuff into most everything.

After a while you may find yourself thinking that you "used to eat" some things, and now you don't. This becomes easier as you find the things you replace them with are much more tasty and nutritious.

Chris,

thanks for your reply! Actually I am on a Rosedale diet which doesn't allow any wheat, gluten and suggests no dairy too. I must say that I think I am mostly having issues with digesting vegetables and fat and I am going to try a supplement with ox bile so hope it will help.
I must say that in two weeks after starting this diet my blood sugar is so normal that one morning it was close to be too low too so I am checking it constantly. This diet is said to be able to reverse Diabetes and I truly count to drop off my meds at the next check up with my doc.
You know, I made an experiment last weekend and I have done the pizza with cauliflower crust. Well, I didn't enjoy it. It seems like I am not for the old food anymore. One more strange thing is that when I do some fried potatoes to my husband I cannot stand the smell. It makes me nauseous and I cannot understand this either. Yes, I am changing and I am not going back for anything in the world.

Keep it up! Soon you will have a conpletely new "normal"!

Thanks Chris! I so need to share all that with you all. I really need someone that understands me