THE LOW CARB DIABETIC

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THE LOW CARB DIABETIC

Promoting a low carb high fat lifestyle for the safe control of diabetes. Eat whole fresh food, more drugs are not the answer.


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    Moose
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    Post by Moose Fri Oct 24 2014, 22:32

    Been asked to give a few words at a local community centre on my time in the forces.

    Would love to make a opening gag or funny introduction but don't know any openers. Got some books on making speeches but they are aimed at the best man market.

    Also any gag or funny opener has to be clean as children are going to be present. My gags or the one's I know are a tad blue.

    Can anyone help as I'm stumped?

    Moose
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    Post by AliB Fri Oct 24 2014, 23:01

    Didn't you have any funny things happen to you, or around you when you were in the Forces? Its better to keep it relevant.
    mo1905
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    Post by mo1905 Fri Oct 24 2014, 23:09

    The sergeant-major growled at the young soldier, "I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning." "Thank you very much, sir."


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    Type1, Humalog and Solostar, Metformin, Lisinopril ( BP ), last HbA1C 41 ( 5.9% ), 20th Oct 2014, HbA1C 43 ( 6.1% ) 9th Mar 2015.
    Jan1
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    Post by Jan1 Sat Oct 25 2014, 00:02

    @mo1905 wrote:The sergeant-major growled at the young soldier, "I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning." "Thank you very much, sir."


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    Two Collies
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    Post by Two Collies Sat Oct 25 2014, 08:17

    Or the the pipe-major who admitted that since 2010 he hadn't had sex with a woman. he later admitted, after "scoring" it was still only"half past ten"!
    Andy12345
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    Post by Andy12345 Sat Oct 25 2014, 08:25

    ewwww, public speaking....my worst nightmare.... sorry that isn't very helpful, all my favourite jokes are stupid, whats green and shaped like a pear etc
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    Post by Moose Mon Oct 27 2014, 16:32

    Any more ideas?

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    Post by Moose Mon Oct 27 2014, 16:33

    @Two Collies wrote:Or the the pipe-major who admitted that since 2010 he hadn't had sex with a woman. he later admitted, after "scoring" it was still only"half past ten"!

    Can't use that one its to rude.

    Moose

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